Dear LUSH,

I have been telling my friends about your shampoo and conditioner bars because I have not been this happy with a product in a very long time, if ever. I’m afraid if I keep talking about them that my coworkers will begin to wonder if I secretly have a second job working at your Eaton Centre, Toronto location.

My criteria for products of any sort, that I use goes like this. It must do exactly what it says it does. It must be exactly what it says it is. I’m strictly no-nonsense. But I’ll try anything once.

I walked into the above location because you do not have a location where I live and I was curious. The shampoo bars seemed like a good fit for my no-mess minimal quality-over-quantity lifestyle. The simple ingredients and no-chemical all natural ingredients also suited my preference for homemade things. So I asked for suggestions and chose a Jumpin’ Juniper Shampoo Bar which your associate said would ‘balance the oils on my head’ and chose a banana avocado hair conditioner bar because it smelled like freshly mown grass. I’m weird that way. It all sounded a little too cozy but twenty dollars isn’t too high a price to pay for a promise that’s too good to be true.

Let’s flashback to highschool. While my hair woes have been lifelong, highschool casts a giant spotlight on certain hairy torments. You spotted my hair before you spotted me. Bright red frizz coming this way! I noticed everyone’s hair first. The way you notice first on someone else, what you despise most on yourself.

The hair woes never went away. I just became more mature and it “bothered me less.” I learned the techniques. Make it worse: It’s not horrible. Its a statement style! Make it bigger: It’s not poofy! Its va va voom waves! Tie it back: It’s not so frizzy the only thing I can do today is put it in a scrunchie. I’m channelling the 80’s! Cut it short: I’m not so frustrated I chopped it off. I’m orphan Annie! Pretend it doesn’t exist: I didn’t just do the EXACT SAME THING to my hair for the second time on a different day and get a completely different result. “I’m sorry but hair? What hair??????!!!! Argh!!!!!” (I do not have hair caught in my butt crack in the shower again. I’m growing a tail.)

Flash forward:

So I bought the products four months ago, and even though they smelled nice they were just ordinary and so I kept using them because they were what I had. You see, minimalist and lazy theoretically are different but practically can be pretty much exactly the same thing. I have stuff. Therefore I do not need to shop.

Then one day it dawned on me. I’d FORGOTTEN about my hair! I’d actually COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN ABOUT MY HAIR!!!! I wasn’t just putting in the back of brain behind less painful things. (Don’t worry. I was still washing it.)

I stood in front of my mirror. I parted it. No frizz. I fluffed it out. It looked amazing. I combed it straight. It looked amazing. I got a little daring. I ran my fingers through it. It was soft! I jumped up and down. Still amazing. Shook my head like a dog. Still Amazing.

I got really risky! I wore no mousse. ALL DAY! I didn’t wear my hat in the rain! I went to work without looking in the mirror! I got it wet and blowdried it! Still amazing! Still AMAZING! STILL AMAZING!!!

LUSH, I’m sure you know this (but then again you’ve never met my hair), your shampoo and conditioner bars work. And they do last a long time. My bars are squishy, but it’s been four months and I still have half a purple mush in my Tupperware in the shower. I bought two more shampoo bars and I think I have enough to last till 2018.

Your associates did not lie. The oils on my head are very well-balanced thank you very much. And my shampoo bar will indeed last me eight months, bless your heart.

So thank you very much LUSH,

If there’s anything you haven’t done well, it’s that you’ve made me forget those bad hair days so completely, that I almost miss them because I can’t remember how bad they were. So if anything, do your job just a little less well, so I don’t forget what a bad hair day is.

Yours truly and forevermore, with many fond washes and rinses. (And repeat.)

Sara Jane

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